I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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