Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
