college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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