that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
