I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
