Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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