home. puking in laundry basket.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is Oprah even human
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
