your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I will die if light touches me.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
