I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
