There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
