I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
