my mouth tastes like poor choices
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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