Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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