So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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