You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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