dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I need a beard to bite.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
