We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dicks are not precious.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
