It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
