We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
