I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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