So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
