Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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