Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
