My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
