I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize