the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
FUCK WHALES
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
