His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
