Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
