Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
