Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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