I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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