i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
