Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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