Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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