Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
