The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
