dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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