My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
