He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
