dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
