Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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