okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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