well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
