My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize