I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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