idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
