Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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