1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
