he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
