chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
