Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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