it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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