Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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