yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
