I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize