let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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