wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
