I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
