I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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