How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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