he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
