It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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