You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
