More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
