i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize