Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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