Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
