Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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