pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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