At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
