Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
please don't ironically join a cult
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