I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
