If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
