he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
