If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
