I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
