She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
