I'm sorry my penis didn't work
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
