She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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