what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You pole danced in your parka.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
