Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize