Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
