Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
