You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
