all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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