thus making me awesome and them whores
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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