sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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