Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
