So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
