Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
