Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
