My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
