Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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