We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
