They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
