In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
