Are we in a gay sports bar?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just forgot I was standing up.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
