there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
