I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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