how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
