I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
