I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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