but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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