The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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