so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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