She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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