My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
