Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
