She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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