he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
