why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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