You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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