You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
