Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
