he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Alive.
So much puke
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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