I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
